NATHALIA EDENMONT

REBIRTH

When I close my eyes I see myself at five years old, I am hunting a yellow butterfly. I want to catch it, but it is hard to capture. The butterfly lures me deeper into the forest. Suddenly it lands on a big red flower. I am so close, I can almost feel the texture of its powdery wings on my fingers. The butterfly is quick and manages to escape. I am stubborn and continue the hunt. After a while I am exhausted, and stop to catch my breath. The butterfly does the same. We rest together for a while before we continue. The butterfly wins. I lose.

I see myself again. This time at twelve years old, standing in the street, the sun casts long shadows. The shadow-me has distorted proportions. Suddenly, another shadow appears next to mine, a giant monster attacking, and I get scared. I look up and my grandmother comes to my rescue – she catches the creature, which turns out to be a giant grasshopper. She holds it in her hands. I do not dare to touch it. She walks away and releases it into the forest.

Now I open my eyes wide, and I see the collage I just created out of thousands of wings. The wings come from butterflies, beetles and grasshoppers. I am 50 years old. The colors are breathtaking, created by the universe. Time stands still. I forget to blink. I forget to breathe. I follow my intuition and carefully glue the butterfly wings one by one in complicated patterns. The patterns come from inside me. It takes days, weeks and years. I hold on to the tweezer so hard, as I place the butterflies, I lose sense in my right arm. It doesn’t matter, my body has become secondary to the work I create.

It takes me three years to finish this collage (Waterfall), and I can finally shoot it with my analogue large format camera. The final photo is so magnified every structure of the butterfly wing is visible – it feels like I am close to the butterfly’s soul. By mirroring the photo in two identical images, the merge in the middle becomes magic - a new creature is awakened. I have created a powerful beast. Both beautiful and horrific – just as the shadow grasshopper from my childhood. 

The area in the jungle where these butterfly species had their home is now destroyed by machines and paved with asphalt. It is developed for humans to build houses. My hope is that with my collages, the beautiful creatures –masterpieces of nature--will attain a life in eternity.

Nathalia Edenmont, Stockholm, 2020